I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
