Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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