Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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