u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
