The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
