She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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