Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
