I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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