I want to make a zoo with you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
