Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize