If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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