his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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