bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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