my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His nipple licking is glorious
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