At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize