so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this just has baby written all over it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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