Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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