We won't sleep together?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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