Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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