Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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