If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
