I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize