We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
