Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
