Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
