I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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