I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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