am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
