It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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