hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
