He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
