Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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