So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
