just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
