I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
