69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A+ Viking dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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