just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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