just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize