just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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