as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
