Cold hands, warm shart.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize