My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
