I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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