Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
