He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
