im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
