drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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