youre lurking in front of me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
