I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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