I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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