Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
