You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
