he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
