Banned from zoo.
Again?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
