I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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