I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
