hotel room ftw
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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