my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
