I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
