She announced her abortion via fbk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
