TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
