did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
