dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
