Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
