Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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