Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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