How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
